you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize