Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize