im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I love you.
Bad choice
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