Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
