I just pynch a tree in the face
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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