Whod you bang
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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