I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
