So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
