Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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