Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
