This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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