dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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