The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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