she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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