this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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