kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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