I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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