remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
