Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
