yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
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drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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