Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
