his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
