I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
