mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize