I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
