I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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