And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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