im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
