Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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