Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
