worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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