1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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