Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
