my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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