Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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