Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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