you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
