i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
