I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize