I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think my vagina is haunted
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
