New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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