Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
