I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
