by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
