So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
