just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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