did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
