I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
