Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
