i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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