So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
