Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
