I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
