You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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