So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
