Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
