i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
