You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
