playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
