I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
