It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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