You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
be right there i have to get my cape
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
