I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
