Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
