I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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