Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
